jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
