My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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