This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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