i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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