i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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