its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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