i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
