but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
