My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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