She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
