I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
