i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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