i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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