I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
