we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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