i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
