I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
