3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
