i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
