Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love having hate sex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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