What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
