haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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