yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
