If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
