Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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