I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
