you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
