what day is it and did you see me today?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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