My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
