i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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