I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
me + whiskey = a bad person
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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