Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
