my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
