Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
