i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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