Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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