you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
