rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
