just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
