I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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