Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
