I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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