there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found a bag of teeth...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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