You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
