Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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