9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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