I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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