I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
