i would punch a child for taco bell
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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