i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You made out with two different species that night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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