I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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