I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
