I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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