it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
