My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
