somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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