we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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