I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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