I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
