I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
