I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
