Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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