There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
