How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
