I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
