My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
