On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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