oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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