We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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