I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
