omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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