Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
